


it's a process

by EmmaLuLuChu



Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dissociation, Gen, Intrusive Thoughts, Nonbinary Character, Swearing, descriptive, human baymax, panic/anxiety attacks, vague suicide attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 09:47:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7840000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmmaLuLuChu/pseuds/EmmaLuLuChu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>realizing you're mentally ill is a process. Hiro's going to learn that the hard way.</p>
<p>Part of the BH6BigBang</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's a process

**Author's Note:**

> for those still trying to figure it out.
> 
> art credit:
> 
> kailihua.tumblr.com
> 
> bigherosketch.tumblr.com/bunnikila.tumblr.com

Every city around the world always has a bright, exciting, and awe-inducing night life when the sky grows dark and the moon shines down. San Francisco offers a unique sight, the Golden Gate Bridge lit up against the background of the ocean and the clear open air, the Port of San Francisco sign not too far off and immediately leading the eye towards the city sky line. Buildings towered high above, trains and trolleys still going this late as they brought people to and from streets and restaurants and shows and so much more.

Hiro was glad that the bus station wasn’t as packed as other public transports were, sitting quietly on the bus headed for his destination, if he thought too much about where he was going he’d have an anxiety attack, and that was the last thing he needed right now, especially after the look the ticket attendant gave him (in his lonely and slightly frazzled state who wouldn’t look twice?) when he handed over some cash to pay that he had from when he went to bot fights.

The thought of the back alley brawls, screws and bolts flying about in the middle of a wild crowd, had his memory bringing up the last time he’d gone to one, closing his eyes and letting them come back in the hopes of making the time pass quicker, and wanting to relive that time months ago when he knew everything was normal and made sense. . .

-bang-bang-four months earlier-bang-bang-

Far into the depths of San Francisco, past the busy streets packed with people and merchandise and vehicles, the back alleys and sidewalks there were very quiet, either housing people that could barely scrape by or utterly abandoned buildings getting more decrepit with time. Not a single sign of life could be seen.

Some nights, you could hear a faint roar, further back than most police are willing to go, and a single spot of light shining down into a crowd that cheered and yearned for a brawl, eager to see things enter the makeshift ring and come out nothing but scrap.

This is what most call bot fights, a new form of back street brawling gaining traction over literal brawls and bringing in much controversy with illegal betting over the past two years.

A group naming themselves as the Yakuza were the ringleader of the San Fran bot fights, their leader, Yama, the undefeated champion, dominating each newcomer in mere minutes.

Were these fights official, Yama’s ring would be the final match up in a tournament.

And Hiro was heading right into the thick of it.

The current fight had just ended; Yama’s heavily built bot crushing the other fighter’s bot, about the same size as Little Yama but slower and not armed with a circular saw.  The builder of the defeated bot slinked away, cradling their destroyed creation in their arms, while the larger man laughed and took his winnings, calling out to the audience,

“Who’s next? Who else will step into the ring, with Little Yama?”

This was his chance. He sucked in a breath, in his minds eyes pulling up his plan to winning, and stepped up.

“Can I try?”

All eyes were on him, bodies parting to the side so the large and intimidating man could better see him. Hiro knew his plan was already working when the man’s eyes flicked up and down a few times, taking in his small stature and seeing the disbelief grow with each second.

He held up Megabot, remembering to keep his shoulders hunched to keep up the show of ‘just a quiet inexperienced young boy’, and spoke again in a planned meek voice,

“I have a robot. I built it myself.”

There was a moment of silence, everybody taking in the yellow smiling face painted on the three piece bot, before a collective laugh rang through the crowd, Yama’s being the loudest.

Externally Hiro kept his act up, nervously looking around as the laughing continued. Internally, Hiro was fist pumping in victory.

Now it was as simple as throwing this first fight, and then giving Yama a dose of his own medicine!

-bang-bang-five minutes later-bang-bang-

The ground met Hiro’s face forcefully, hissing as he felt his cheek scrape on the concrete, Megabot clattering off to the side and out of his reach.

“H-Hey, back off!”

He squirmed under the foot that kept him down, watching as one of the Yakuza picked up his bot and brought it over to Yama, who took it with glee.

“Let this be a reminder, _brat. No one_ hustles Yama!”

He turned to leave, dismissively ordering his goons,

“Teach him a lesson.”

Hiro barely had time to mourn his lost project, immediately being yanked back up, one of the thugs grabbing his arms and pulling them behind his back, another smiling with mirth as his hand went up just to come back down, striking him across where the scrape on his cheek was, causing him to yelp as the burn began to settle in.

He could hear Yama laughing as the same thug landed two more slaps, yelping when one of the hits scratched his eyebrow, and felt fear jump up his throat when he saw the open palm curl into a fist.

Red and blue lights flashed out of nowhere, a siren sounding off a few times.

The Yakuza members instantly froze, Yama included, and with a slew of curse words they all ran, a small clatter signaling the drop of Megabot and a thud indicating that Hiro had fallen to the concrete again.

The 14 year old groaned, kind of from the pain blooming across his face, but mostly because of the monster lecture he’d get from not one, but two of his family members.

He sluggishly got up, ready to try and attempt an innocent act, but upon seeing who it was his prepared plea came out more like-

“Shit.”

“That’s two dollars for the swear jar.”

There stood not a police officer and his car, but his older brother Tadashi, brows and mouth turned down in disappointment, and his moped behind him with a cheap light hud sitting on the seat, still flashing the red and blue lights.

Tadashi stepped over, Hiro noting he was wearing the scrubs for when he interned at Seiko hospital, pulling out his phone to use as a flashlight and get a better look at Hiro’s face.

“I can’t believe you. You broke the deal we had; you _know_ this place was off-limits!”

Hiro shrugged, eyes squinting at the light and flinching when his brothers fingers lightly touched at his wounds.

“They didn’t do anything else before I got here, right? Did they hurt you anywhere else?”

He shook his head, sighing and squirming as his brother touched at his eyebrow, which he was pretty sure had been scratched by a ring the thug had been wearing.

Tadashi sighed, keeping a hand on Hiro’s chin so he couldn’t look away,

“Anything you have to say for yourself?”

Hiro’s eyes jumped around, trying to look anywhere but at his brothers face, mostly showing his anger, but knew if he looked him in the eyes he’d see the worry and fear and broken trust he’d caused in them.

“Okay, I guess I was a bit cocky-“

“A _bit_? The Yakuza are the top most wanted criminals in San Francisco! They could have _killed_ you!”

Hiro pushed the hand away, scoffing as he went over to pick up Megabot,

“They’re at the top of the list because of _illegal betting._ I highly doubt they’d actually kill.”

He turned around with his bot in his hand, ready for Tadashi to continue with some sort of statistic he’d found online to try and disprove him, but stopped when he saw Tadashi rubbing at his eyes, and noticed that he was wearing a different pair of scrubs than when he left home earlier in the day.

Tadashi looked up after a while, crossing his arms,

“Before I left, somebody got life-flighted in. He was the victim of one of the Yakuza’s orders. They tried to save him but he bled out. I was there when he flat-lined.”

He walked over to his moped, turning off the light and packing it away as he continued.

“Do you know how fast I ran to check where you were? I almost had a heart attack when I saw you were here, and I probably broke some traffic laws speeding here to make sure you weren’t dead on the ground.”

When he turned back around he held two bandaids in his hand, walking over and taking off the wrapping to apply on Hiro’s eyebrow and cheek.

“I just- You know you have a brain. I wish you’d use it for more than building robots just to destroy them.”

Hiro stared straight ahead, an image passing through his head of Tadashi’s shirt stained in red.

“. . . sorry.”

Hiro heard him sigh and felt arms wrap around him, raising his arms up to do the same.

“Me too. We’ll talk more about this later. We need to go disinfect your scratches.”

Soon both had helmets on their heads and were making their way out into the safer parts of the city, Hiro thinking the while about how sometimes he really sucked at being a brother.

-bang-bang-15 minutes later-bang-bang-

Hiro stared in confusion as he saw the rapidly approaching sign on their right, decorative lights shooting up to make the words easier to read at night,

**_SAN FRANCISCO INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY_ **

“Uh, why are we at your nerd school? Home’s literally just three minutes away.”

They stopped in a parking spot, Tadashi dismounting and taking off his helmet before he replied,

“There is _no way_ we’re going home with you like that, there’s not much we can do about the scratches but Aunt Cass would freak if she saw a hand-shaped bruise on you. She also had that important meeting; I don’t want to burst her happiness bubble over this.”

Hiro sighed as he realized that like always, his brother’s logic made sense, and begrudgingly got off the bike too, taking his time to take off the helmet and trudge up the stairs to where his brother stood waiting, rolling his eyes at the exaggerated actions.

They walked for a while when they got inside, passing by multiple doors down a hallway, Hiro sighing as they passed what felt like the fiftieth door,

“Is this gonna take long?”

“Relax you big baby, besides, you haven’t seen my lab yet.”

Tadashi had finally stopped at a door, pulling it open as he replied back, not catching Hiro throw his head back and groan,

“Of course, great time to see your lab, not like I almost had my face busted open or anything.”

“Watch out!”

Hiro barely ducked out of the way before a baseball sized blob whizzed past, flying outside the door where it popped and a flood of foam oozed out right from where he had just entered. He stared in awe at it, reaching a hand toward the mass and feeling the cold radiate off of it.

“Is this. . . firefighting foam?”

“I’m so sorry!”

Hiro looked up, watching as a tall and slender girl ran over, lab coat fluttering behind her and showing off an orange patterned romper, flicking the face shield she wore up and viewing the foamy mess in concern.

“Darn it. I still need to rework the casing.”

She finally noticed Hiro standing next to the foam, gasping in surprise.

“Oh! You must be Hiro!” She turned to the side, just as Tadashi had stepped up, grabbing onto his bicep and shaking it.

“Why didn’t you tell us you were bringing him?!”

“Well I wasn’t really planning to introduce him to you guys tonight.”

Hiro _really_ didn’t want this girl to ask why this visit was unexpected and blurted out, “I-I didn’t catch your name, what was it?”

The distraction worked, the blonde Latina facing him again and eagerly replied, “Honey Lemon, that’s at least what I go by here, I honestly don’t answer to anything else.”

Hiro raised his eyebrows at that (nicknamed after a cough drop? seriously?) but continued on, hand gesturing to the still moving mass of bubbles next to them, “So, uh, why the firefighting foam?”

“Oh, I’m majoring in chemistry, and we’re supposed to have our thesis based around improving life-saving equipment. Mine is around a more user friendly fire extinguisher, essentially more compact and simple to use for anybody in any situation.” She held out her hand, holding what looked like a white liquid incased in a red film the size of a baseball, offering it to him for examination. He took it, feeling the weight of it in his hand and how firm the ball was for having liquid in it.

“This is pretty inventive, and it makes sense too, condensing it down to a smaller size that can be aimed at the potential source, it makes it easier to put out fires.”

“Yep! The problem is just getting it to form into bubble foam. I think the film I’m using to incase it keeps on messing with the contents, and every time I’ve tested it, it either comes out as all liquid or thick as elephant toothpaste.”

She sighed and reached her hand out to scoop some of the foam, glaring down at it.

“It’s still too thick, it’s not coming out as tiny bubbles.”

“You’ll get it soon enough.”

Hiro looked up at the new voice, surprised to see three other people standing behind Honey Lemon.

“Oh, hey guys! Hiro, this is the ‘Nerd Gang’ I’ve told you about.”

If Tadashi meant the comic book geek that constantly asked the biker chick, explosion girl (who he can name as Honey Lemon), and organizational pro to make him into a lizard that he always talked about, then yeah these people had to be the Nerd Gang.

Hiro meekly waved, trying not to let his voice crack from nerves,

“Uh, hi! Nice to finally meet you.”

Biker chick blew a bubble at him, popping it and replying back,

“Likewise, numbskull here goes on and on to us about you.”

Tadashi started to protest, just to be cut off by the blonde-hair guy with the beanie,

“Well hello there Hiro! The name’s Fred, big fan of your genius.”

Hiro almost questioned him about how he knew about his above average intelligence, but with the other girls explanation he figured it’d be useless to ask.

“So, how’d you feel about creating an invisible sandwich?”

Okay that one he had to question.

The other unnamed girl pushed Fred away, stopping him before he could continue his ‘invisible sandwich’ idea, rolling her eyes at his antics,

“Don’t listen to him. You can call me Gogo.”

The last member of the group waved to him over everybody else’s heads,

“Just call me Wasabi, and seriously, don’t listen to Fred. He’s tried to get us to do the sandwich millions of times.”

“Why must you all be so quick to deny the sandwich plan?!”

Just like that the college students were bickering, the only ones not joining in were Honey Lemon (who’d already turned away to clean up the foam mess) and Tadashi who just rolled his eyes, tilting his head to Hiro in a gesture to follow after him.

Hiro quickly followed suit, taking in everything else that had been going on in the background, watching as other students tested out their projects. One student was testing the balance of a robot holding a test dummy, another was wearing what looked like an arm brace that looked light but wasn’t crushing under the force of multiple textbooks, and some other student just had their cat wearing rocket boosters. Hiro filed the last idea for later to test on Mochi, turning back to his brother as they walked,

“So, does everybody in this lab just like to help people or something?”

Tadashi shrugged; opening a door they had reached and replied back,

“Somewhat, most of the students here are just majoring or minoring in either the medical field or the science field. It works out well too, there’s always somebody that can offer advice or a different perspective on each project.”

“Would you say it’s the ultimate ‘I got your back’ system?”

Tadashi laughed in response,

“You could say that I guess. This is where the future is headed.”

Tadashi walked through the door, leaving Hiro to take one last glance before following after his brother.

-bang-bang-a few seconds later-bang-bang-

It was nice to finally leave the main lab space, the constant motion and chatter fading away to a closed hallway with multiple doors, Hiro noticing the whiteboards that were by each one, listing names and study focuses. They walked until they reached a door with a whiteboard that bore Tadashi’s signature with his major listed underneath,

_ Tadashi Hamada and Bartholomew Maximus _

_ Medical Engineering/Counseling Psychology _

He raised his eyebrows when he saw the other name listed next to his brother’s, not remembering Tadashi saying anything about sharing a personal lab space with somebody else. He turned his attention back to Tadashi about to type a code into the number pad above the handle, but instead hummed in surprise at the green dot that signaled it was open.

“I guess Baymax did find time to come in today.”

While Hiro had heard Tadashi mention his group of friends before, this name was different and poked at Hiro’s curiosity.

“Who’s Baymax?”

“Oh, another student that goes here. They share this lab space with me; we work together kind of, like you were saying before. They’ve helped me with testing my project out in simulated hospital and care situations.”

Tadashi opened the door, and in that moment he wondered what his first impression of this Baymax guy would be, the grey door swinging open to a humorous situation.

Among the mess of the lab, right in the middle, was a tall, rounded person with a shock of white hair, currently trying to hold a robotic arm back as it continually slapped at a dummy’s head.

Tadashi cried out and raced over, dropping to his knees and pulling open a door that led to the circuitry that the hand was connected to, poking at a few things until the hand stilled, staying palm up. The other person sighed in relief, finally letting go and sitting back on the rolling chair behind them.

“Thank you Tadashi; this is why I should only run tests with you here.”

“Anytime buddy. You should always let me know when you’re gonna test it.”

“I don’t want to bother you though, especially since you’re getting your intern hours in, it was rough when I did it and I didn’t want to impose.”

Hiro found himself amazed at this new person, just how even and calm their tone was, and watching as Tadashi and this person bickered back and forth, trying to be more polite than the other. Hiro awkwardly stood where he was as they continued, eventually faking a cough into his hand and reminding Tadashi that he’d brought a guest. His brother finally turned his head to him and blinked owlishly until he remembered,

“Oh, sorry,” Tadashi stood up, walking back over and standing next to Hiro, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

“Baymax, this is my brother, Hiro.”

Hiro waved a hand, finally getting a good look at the other person. Dark eyes smiled down at him, leading to a thin mouth that grinned and a pudgy hand that waved at Hiro.

“Hello Hiro, nice to . . . are you alright? You have some bandaids I see, but your cheek is red.”

Hiro blinked and suddenly remembered why they were at SFIT in the first place, a hand meekly going up to the hand-shaped mark on his cheek and rubbing at it.

“Oh, yeah, got into a bit of a messy situation earlier. You don’t have to-“

Hiro was surprised as Baymax immediately bee-lined off to the side, digging around in a cabinet for whatever.

Hiro glanced up at Tadashi, whispering as low as he could,

“Is he normally like this? Like he didn’t even introduce himself.”

Tadashi, frowning slightly, quickly whisper- replying back,

“Yeah they’re always like this, and Baymax is agender, forgot to mention. Use they and them pronouns when you talk about them.”

Hiro gave him an incredulous look at the sudden info-dump, hoping his glare conveyed his ‘PROBABLY SOMETHING YOU _SHOULD_ HAVE TOLD ME EARLIER’ thought, feigning innocence as Baymax came back over, holding some sort of stick on pad with a bright yellow smiley face on it.

“Here, allow me.”

Hiro felt awkward standing there as his brother’s friend that was pretty much a stranger to him applied the sticky pad, somewhat dumbfounded that there actually existed somebody that really put others before themselves.

The pad immediately began to cool where it touched his skin, reaching a hand up to feel it.

“What is this?”

Tadashi folded his arms, eyebrows raised in surprise at the pad.

“It’s a cooling pad I created, one that can stick on but doesn’t run the risk of frostbite. I can’t believe you found it that quickly Baymax, I thought I’d have to dig for a few minutes before finding it.”

Baymax managed to look sheepish, twiddling their thumbs,

“I just so happened to organize everything before I started testing with the hand.”

Tadashi rolled his eyes. “Unbelievable, you absolute rebel.”

The two partners laughed, Hiro still eyeing Baymax, thinking it was too good to be true, for a human like Baymax to actually exist, when the door opening caught all of their attention, Tadashi being the first to say anything,

“Oh, Professor Callaghan, I didn’t think you’d be here this late.”

Here was where Hiro truly began to think he was dreaming. There in the doorway stood Robert Callaghan, famed robotics researcher,  the one that’d written the laws of robotics, was apparently a professor at the college his older brother went to, and also happened to be Hiro’s biggest idol and inspiration. Either it was a dream or he just hadn’t been listening when Tadashi had talked about his first day at college.

He stood and stared in awe as Baymax gave their own hello, Professor Callaghan responding back,

“Hello Tadashi, Baymax, and who would this happen to be?”

Of all times to meet somebody Hiro idolized to some degree, it had to be when he looked stupid with a giant white stick-on pad that bore a stupid emoji on his cheek. Tadashi stepped up for him in his stupor,

“This is Hiro, my younger brother, the only reason I’ve ever had to leave any of your lectures.”

Hiro glared up at his brother, wishing he had lasers for eyes and could burn two dots into the back of the others head.

Callaghan chuckled, turning to Hiro, and the fourteen year old was half tempted to rip the cooling pad off, even though it felt nice and would probably rip all the tiny hairs off that it was stuck to.

“Yes, I’ve heard quite a bit about you. Bot fighter, correct? My own daughter did it for a time too.”

Hiro figured not many would take it as a compliment, but if he was interested in the same things that Callaghan’s daughter was also he figured that was awesome, trying to keep his excitement down as he shrugged his shoulders in response,

“Yeah, almost too good at it, ya know?”

_No, he wouldn’t know, Hiro you DUMMY._

Callaghan raised his eyebrows in amusement,

“Not most teenagers, especially as young as you are, can say that with confidence. While very pleasant to meet you, I’m afraid I need to take my leave now, just walking through and trying to get everybody to head home for sleep.”

Tadashi nodded, turning to Hiro and waving a hand at the departing professor,

“Of course professor, we were all just about ready to leave anyway, have a good night.”

Callaghan responded back with some sort of agreement, the door already closing before the sentiment could be completely heard. Hiro stared at the door for a bit, still in disbelief about Robert Callaghan being one of Tadashi’s professors, barely even noticing as the cooling pad was easily removed from his cheek without any pulled skin.

“Whoa wait, how come that didn’t hurt?”

“It’s another tech part of it I was experimenting on, with some help from Honey Lemon, using a sticky substance that wouldn’t bond to skin or hair.”

Hiro gave a quiet ‘oh’, remembered that he just met Callaghan, and proceeded to smack Tadashi on the arm, who cried out in surprise and rubbed at the spot,

“Dude! What was that for?”

“I dunno, maybe the same reason why _you never told me Robert Callaghan was your professor!?”_

Tadashi rolled his eyes, walking over to put the pad away as he replied,

“Maybe if you’d listen to me once in a while, which it seems you never do, then you would’ve known sooner.”

Hiro huffed, digging his phone out of his pocket to see if the pad had really worked, pleased to find that there was no indication of a hand-shaped mark anywhere on his cheek.

“It’s about time I left, are you still able to meet up on Wednesday to continue our testing Tadashi?”

“Of course Baymax, see you then!”

Just before Baymax turned to leave, a red backpack hanging off their shoulder, Hiro quickly realized that Baymax had never even fully introduced theirself,

“Wait, you never got to formally introduce yourself.”

Hiro was unsure what to think of the surprise in the dark eyes that turned back to him, blinking before they smiled and completely turned back around, waving a pudgy hand,

“Of course, hello, I’m Bartholomew Maximus, but you can call me Baymax. I hope we see each other again soon Hiro. Have a good night Hamadas.”

Baymax then left, waving one last time before the door closed, Hiro still wondering how Baymax actually existed as the brothers took their leave, mounting back onto the moped and preparing for what may come once they got back to the Lucky Cat Café.

-bang-bang-ten minutes later-bang-bang-

When the brothers made it back home, they were sure they were in the clear, the café lights were off, save for the doorway where the stairs sat that lead up to their living space, Aunt Cass’s truck was still parked on the street, and the living room window was dark.

Hiro creeped up the stairs first, allowing Tadashi to mimic where he stepped so as to not cause any creaks, and making it to the living room floor. They hardly had time to celebrate their victory when the kitchen light suddenly flicked on and there stood their aunt with the glare of the century.

The brothers froze, red-handed, sneaking in after midnight, and guilty as all get out.

“ _What_ were you two _knuckleheads doing?!_ ”

Both boys kept quiet, knowing that Aunt Cass needed to finish first before she’d do anything else; being well versed in how these rants went.

“It’s almost _one in the morning._ The only one with a good enough excuse for being out this late is Tadashi, but you know better than to not call and let me know ahead of time! And Hiro, you’d better have a good excuse for having _snuck out._ ”

They’d mostly kept Aunt Cass in the dark about the bot fights, so over time the brothers had perfected making a lie on the quick.

“I just needed a little fresh air, and kinda wanted to get a snack. There wasn’t anything from the fridge or the café I wanted so… yeah.”

Tadashi continued the lie, ruffling the younger brothers’ hair as he went,

“I just so happened to run into him as I was coming home and gave him a lift back, my phone had died at the hospital so I wasn’t able to message you though, and I didn’t bring my charger today either.”

The lie was satisfactory enough, a look of wary acceptance crossing Cass’s face, until her eyes widened and she hurried closer, grabbing Hiro by the chin and looking at the two bandages on his face. Hiro groaned while Tadashi stifled his own.

“ _Why do you have bandages on?_ ”

Hiro sighed, swatting the hands away,

“I tripped before Tadashi found me; he plastered my face and gave me a lecture already, alright?”

Aunt Cass furrowed her brows in skepticism, eventually releasing Hiro’s face, only to use both hands to grab an ear on both of the boys’ heads, tugging them sharply and them yelping in response.

“Don’t you EVER make me worry like that again!”

Their ears were released, both rubbing their respective one as they followed their aunt into the kitchen, Hiro hopping up onto the counter as Tadashi broke the silence,

“So, how’d the meeting with Mr. Krei go?”

The topic was enough to relax Cass’s stress-tensed features, an eager smile stretching across her face as she replied in excitement,

“Everything’s going awesome! All of the baking and cooking units came in, and the chairs and tables and décor will arrive in the next week! I can’t believe that it’s actually coming together!”

Hiro smiled, remembering to almost a year back when Alistair Krei, the single-most successful mogul in San Fran, had approached Aunt Cass about trying to expand her café, not entirely making it a chain restaurant, but to open a few more locations in San Francisco. He’d talked with Cass about doing this because his interns would always get coffee and pastries from the Lucky Cat to bring in and was always delighted by them, and felt that the owner deserved more than just a single café right below where she lived. It’d taken a lot of convincing on Tadashi and Hiro’s part, encouraging her to follow through with it. Tadashi would be graduating into a field that was promising and Hiro would be more than fine once he started to invent things that caught companies’ interests, but Aunt Cass would need a little bit more to get by and this opportunity was the best anyone could get.

In a few short weeks the official second location to the Lucky Cat Café would open, clear on the other side of the city, but in a building that held the same kitschy corner aesthetic of the original, and with an even larger dine-in area inside, and definitely a bigger kitchen than the café below their feet.

The family of three chatted for a bit longer, Aunt Cass eventually calling in, and pestering them to get to bed in the next twenty minutes. As she disappeared into her bedroom, Hiro turned to see if Tadashi was about to head up to their attic bedroom, but was shocked to find a face twisted with doubt and worry.

“’Dashi? You alright there bro?”

Tadashi looked up and seemed to realize that Hiro was there for the first time, shaking his head,

“Yeah, m’fine.”

“Are you sure? You look like you have a little brain constipation there.”

The disgusted grimace was enough to please Hiro, laughing as the elder tried to shake the mental image out of his head.

“Thanks for that. Just, it’s something Callaghan had told me.”

That got Hiro worried, making an interested sound in hopes to prompt Tadashi, whom took the signal and continued,

“The first time I’d brought up everything going on with Aunt Cass and the café and Krei helping with him, he just gave me this serious look and told me not to trust Krei.”

That _did_ sound pretty weird Hiro thought, especially after meeting the professor an hour earlier, letting Tadashi finish before he said anything,

“I brought it up maybe two more times, but he said the same thing each time. Not to trust Krei. I dunno, got me wigged out for a bit, and I still kinda am, especially with the opening coming up.”

It was strange to see Tadashi this worried and contemplative, it wasn’t like him and Hiro found the idea of Callaghan being that invested in the matter weird.

“That’s pretty weird… but not much we can really do about it. You haven’t told her, right?”

Tadashi shook his head, placing the glass he’d used for a drink of water earlier in the sink,

“God no, she’s been worried about this whole ordeal since the start, even just mentioning it in passing would be enough for her to call everything off. Who even knows? Maybe Callaghan just thinks he’s a dirt bag or something.”

Hiro thought back to the times he’d met Krei, nodding in response,

“Yeah, Krei does come off a bit douche sometimes.”

A hand bopped his nose, causing him to jump and glare daggers at the perpetrator.

“Ten cents for the jar, and don’t think I forgot about the two you owe from earlier!”

Hiro groaned in exasperation, pushing himself off the counter and leaping onto Tadashi’s back from behind,

“Come on, it’s not even that much of a swear! I mean it’s literally a clinical term for a device that women use-“

Tadashi groaned, not bothering to try and toss Hiro off and just grabbed the others legs so he could safely piggy back him.

“You are _fourteen!_ I don’t need to hear these things from you!”

The two brothers bickered as they climbed the stairs, eventually slipping into pajamas and heading to bed, but not until Hiro put the $2.10 he owed in the plainly labeled swear jar on the end table in their shared room.

-bang-bang-one month later-bang-bang-

Before the Hamadas knew it, the opening for the second Lucky Cat Café was upon them, Tadashi taking the role of mother hen that morning as Aunt Cass was far too frantic making sure everything was going according to plan; constantly on the phone as the brothers got ready, even when Hiro gave protest to not being allowed to wear a hoodie at the ribbon cutting and Tadashi claiming they had to look presentable.

Somehow they had left the house early, Hiro feeling weird about leaving the café closed even as they were going to the second place, and realizing that Tadashi was right about the hoodie when they arrived and camera crews were everywhere already, even though the fanfare wouldn’t happen for another three hours. He’d magically forgotten how big a deal Alistair Krei was.

The moment they got to the kitchen, everything turned into a non-stop blur, pastries and sandwiches and aprons whirling by and Hiro found himself getting dizzy, eventually being pushed out of the madness by Aunt Cass, doing the same to Tadashi once his college friends had arrived.

The brothers were still put to work, wiping down the menus and setting the tables with quirky cat statues and vintage tablecloths, but the tasks definitely went by quicker when talking to Wasabi, Gogo, Honey Lemon, and Fred, whom also chipped in to help.

Once the sun hung perfectly in the sky, the ceremony began, moving quickly through the formalities to cut the ribbon, which Hiro was _so happy_ that he got to help cut it with Tadashi on the other side of the giant scissors, all the while Aunt Cass beaming as the ribbon dropped and the large crowd before them cheered.

Everything continued as planned, the first customers ordering and being served, nobody was getting crazy over the free coffee, and Aunt Cass looked like she wasn’t sure whether to do her happy dance or faint.

Hiro almost couldn’t believe how well everything was going himself; he half expected some horrible disaster to occur, because the Hamada’s were never this lucky all at once.

Of course Hiro couldn’t ever keep his snarky mouth shut. Just like when he was three and his parents had their first invention approved for marketing and construction.

First people had started to smell smoke. Some had chalked it off as tradition to burn food the first day a restaurant was open.

Next one of the employees in the back had gone to grab cleaning supplies from the closet, only to burn their hand on the doorknob.

Then before anybody knew it, the fire had spread and somebody had hit the fire alarm.

For three seconds the clanging bell was the only sound, the once noisy and bustling café stopped on a dime, and then there were screams and glass crashing and wood hitting the carpet and everything that came with the realization that your life was in danger. Hiro found himself being dragged out of the café with the first wave of people that ran, Tadashi having shoved him towards the stream of people. Though he was safe, Hiro could only watch helplessly as more people poured out of the building, unable to spot his family as the minutes ticked by. His fear mounted as smoke began to pour thick from the windows and obscured the maneki-neko that sat right at the entrance and distant sirens slowly grew louder and louder as they rushed to the scene.

Frustration got the better of him, and he started to shove his way through the growing crowd, partially made up of people that had either just escaped the hazardous building or were passing by when they noticed the commotion. Hiro spotted a car, and climbed up onto the hood, using the vantage point to see what was happening.

The stream of escaping people had thinned out, now mostly the newly hired employees that had stayed behind to help others out, almost immediately he saw Aunt Cass among them. He frantically waved his arms and yelled out until she saw him, and was about to climb down to get to her, when he looked over and saw Tadashi standing at the entrance to the café, helping any last stragglers out.

_Don’t do anything stupid Tadashi, help the last person out and **run.**_

Three more people finally got out, and it looked like his heroic older brother would actually use his self-preservation instinct to get the hell out, but of course he glanced back once and booked it back inside, even as part of the roof started to crumble inwards, panicked screams rising from the crowd at the visual.

“ _TADASHI!_ ”

Hiro immediately bolted, swearing up a storm and wishing his older brother didn’t have such a stupid hero complex, and without a single thought followed him right into the burning cafe.

-bang-bang-seconds later-bang-bang-

The only way to describe the inside of a building on fire was in three words; suffocating, bright, and _hot._ Hiro kept blinking tears and smoke from his eyes, coughing as he stumbled after where he thought Tadashi was, barely able to make out whether he was running into a table or a fallen beam. It just so happened he had been correct and instead of running into either previous things, he almost head-butted his brother in the back.

Tadashi gasped and whipped around, and it was easy to see his heart drop.

“Hiro? What in- _Why the hell are you in here?!”_

In any other situation Hiro would’ve snarked right back, ‘I dunno, same reason you’re here?’ or called him out on his swear, but his voice was all but gone, and for the first time Hiro found himself with no other option than-

“I-I-I don’t know.”

_If you were risking your own life to save others, who was going to save you?_

“We’re getting out of here, _now.”_

Getting out of the flames and the soot sounded like the best idea he’d ever heard, so Hiro nodded in reply as Tadashi grabbed his hand and started to pull him along, narrowly dodging still-falling debris as the two brothers still tried to find their way out.

Somehow Hiro’s mind drifted away, feeling weightless but panicked all the same as they ran, hoping that everything was just a bad dream, that’d he’d wake up at their home, Tadashi telling him to hurry and get dressed instead of pulling him around like a ragdoll, and Aunt Cass in a hurry to get to the new café instead of crying outside because her two nephews were stupid enough to run into a burning building.

_It’s time to wake up Hiro._

A burning beam fell down right in front of the two, Tadashi swearing and trying to redirect their momentum.

_Anytime now, Hiro._

Tiny pebbles and bits of plaster fell onto them, sticking to their hair and clothes just like the smoke and soot.

_Hiro for the love of god-_

His foot caught on an overturned chair, causing him to fall and take Tadashi with him.

_W a k e u p_

His hand and knees tingled where they touched the floor, and something kept incessantly pulling his arm up. Couldn’t it stop please?

_W A K E U P_

Everything would be all right, he’d wake up soon.

_WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAK-_

“-heater’s going to burst! _Hiro please! GET UP!”_

_there’s something whining in the back_

_“ **STAY DOWN!** ”_

_it wasn’t a dream._

Something was flung on top of him and Hiro blacked out.

**_you killed your brother_ **

-bang-bang-eight hours and thirty minutes later-bang-bang-

The sun was just starting to rise in the sky when Hiro woke up.

His hair and skin felt gross, his throat was dry and scratchy, it felt like a nail had been pounded into his head, the sheets weren’t his normal soft grey ones, and he could name fifty other wrong things but his brain couldn’t come up with them.

He lay there in the foreign bed for a while, trying to remember why he was here. The opening had been going well, Aunt Cass had said they’d have hot wings when they got back home to celebrate, and he was excited because it was the first dinner in a while that Tadashi would be there-

Tadashi.

_Where was Tadashi?_

Memories came back as fast as a balloon could pop.

_The new café was on fire but thankfully everybody was-no wait there was one more person- Tadashi- he followed after him and then something **exploded** and **Tadashi** had-_

“ _TADASHI!_ ”

Hiro shot up, eyes searching frantically around to spot a call button, and proceeded to jab it multiple times once he found it on the bed frame.

_Where was everybody somebody needed to tell him where his brother was where was his aunt-_

“Hiro! Hiro stop!”

Familiar hands grabbed his own, turning his head up and almost crying in relief when he saw Aunt Cass. He lurched forward and threw his arms around her, his Aunt’s arms being the only comfort he’d seen so far.

Everything seemed to melt away, Hiro almost tempted to sleep once again, his sluggish mind noticing when the nurses had come running in but Aunt Cass had sent them away, saying everything was fine, the whole while running her hands through his hair, catching on tangles and trying to smooth them out. It was a long time before Hiro realized there was one thing missing from the equation.

“Aunt Cass… where’s Tadashi?”

There was an audible gasp from her that made the anxiety from before work its way back into Hiro’s body, his heart pounding as Aunt Cass pulled away from him. One of her hands went up to wipe at her eyes, tears welling and dripping down and Hiro realized that his aunt looked _haggard,_ bags under eyes that were red and puffy, hair pulled into a disheveled bun, and wearing a wrinkled shirt that did not belong to her. It took her a minute to respond to his question, her mouth opening and closing several times and her eyes switching between where their hands were clasped together and up to his own eyes.

“Hiro… oh sweetie… Tadashi-he-when the explosion happened, the roofing had completely collapsed. We think he had pushed you down so you wouldn’t be hurt and… he-he got the worst of it. His leg is fractured in several places and he has a lot of burns and smoke inhalation. He’s woken up twice, but he’s in a lot of pain. They… the doctors think they may need to medically induce a coma. It’ll only be for as long as it takes for his body to recover.”

Hiro’s mind blanked out as Aunt Cass explained everything. He couldn’t make the connection between Tadashi, his strong older brother, the brother that’d broken his arm and barely cried, the brother who’d kept smiling even when he had strep, he hadn’t a single thought in his mind that Tadashi would escape this event unscathed, but… to make him comatose because the pain was that bad?

All too sudden a realization stopped his train of thought.

He’d already been on the floor. Tadashi hadn’t pushed him down, Hiro had tripped.

Tadashi had tried to pull him up.

Hiro had just sat there, thinking everything was a dream and that they weren’t about to die.

Tadashi was in pain because he had refused to get up.

The room was quiet as Hiro tried to process the new information; Aunt Cass thankfully waited on him, taking the time to pull out wet wipes from somewhere and start to clean his face, muttering about bringing in some shampoo and soap so he can take a proper shower.

“Wh. . . What about me? Did-Did I break anything?”

He knew he hadn’t, he couldn’t feel the constrictions of a cast anywhere on his body, there were a few bandages and wraps but nothing debilitating.

“No, just a couple burns from where you fell onto the ground, they’re mostly second degree. You got one that’s a third degree on your arm. They expect everything to heal in a few weeks.

“The doctors won’t induce the coma for another day or two, he’s just under a lot of sedation right now… did you want to see him?”

Hiro didn’t react for a long time.

Tadashi was hurt because of him.

He eventually shook his head no, barely hearing the quiet ‘okay’ he got in return.

Tadashi was _in pain_ because of him.

Eventually he fell back, staring at the ceiling as Aunt Cass held his hand again; thumb stroking smoothly against his fingers.

Tadashi may never be the same _because of him._

Somehow he fell asleep, and all he could dream about was Tadashi burning.

-bang-bang-two days later-bang-bang-

Something was wrong. Like, seriously wrong.

Hiro knew he was acting differently than he used to. Ever since waking up in the hospital and being told his life had been seriously fucked up his brain hadn’t been thinking right.

His dreams each night were about the fire. Sometimes he was alone and calling out for help as his skin charred and glowed with embers, other times it was just reliving the memory of running through the debris as Tadashi dragged him along.

The rest of the time it was still that same image of Tadashi burning and asking Hiro why he was letting the fire consume them.

It wasn’t right to visit Tadashi. Seeing his brother laying there, a cast on his leg, his chest completely wrapped up in gauze right to his neck, an oxygen mask over his mouth because otherwise he could go brain dead, it unnerved Hiro to no end and make his stomach twist in on itself.

He can’t remember when, but the doctors told him and Aunt Cass that Tadashi had to be flown out to another hospital, because they didn’t have the space and equipment on hand to insure Tadashi would wake up from the coma they were going to induce.

Hiro wanted to scream.

Every minute that ticked by just made him feel worse, knowing that if he’d just listened to his brother they’d both be fine right now, not brutally ruined, both physically and mentally.

Hiro didn’t even feel right saying that he’s mentally damaged, if anything he was just being a bad person, denying seeing Tadashi every time he was offered, and not even saying goodbye to him in his unconscious state as they stood on the tarmac, the plane that would take Tadashi all the way to Utah looming in front of them, even though Aunt Cass urged him to say something.

He just turned his eyes to his feet, a lump forming in his throat as he heard the gurney being pulled away.

_I’m sorry Tadashi._

He didn’t look up again until the door to the plane shut, one of the airport staff escorting them away as the plane’s engines started up, and felt his blood run cold when a thought crossed his mind;

**you’re not sorry though, are you?**

-bang-bang-one day later-bang-bang-

Hiro tried to keep things normal at home. He’d get up at 12ish and eat something small before hopping onto his computer and keeping himself busy with future projects he planned to do. Tried not to think too much about how abruptly life had changed for the Hamada household.

Trying to create something was far better than obsessing how everything was his fault.

Eventually his mind couldn’t focus day after day of staring at the screen with nothing getting done, and so he tried to do other things.

He tried to help his aunt with the café, but after three days of helping he got frustrated at a customer and stormed away. Aunt Cass suggested maybe he should just focus on keeping the upstairs cleaned.

One whole day of cleaning made him feel better. Trying to do the dishes again the next morning resulted in him just lying on the couch, constantly berating himself as the day went on for not doing them.

After that his days followed the same pattern.

Do something one day. Do nothing the next day.

Stare at the unfinished projects around him.

Think about how useless he was.

Watch his room get messier.

Try not to remember that day.

Tadashi. . .

-bang-bang-three weeks later-bang-bang-

Aunt Cass had hoped Hiro would come to her if he got worse.

Since coming back after the hospital, she’d watched as Hiro seemed to get more and more depressed as the weeks went on. She’d constantly reminded him that he could always talk with her, and if he ever wanted to go see his brother they could plan a visit together. Tadashi’s friends kept in contact, stopping by the café about twice a week for some food, and would ask Hiro how he was and if he wanted to hang out with them.

Each time, to Aunt Cass or the Nerd Gang, he’d just nod and smile, but it was mechanical and forced each and every time.

Cass tried not to expect a lot. Hiro was still recovering from the whole incident, and even once he got better physically it’d take longer for him mentally.

But sometimes one gets frustrated when they simply ask for the cat hair around the house to be vacuumed and there’s still dust bunnies festering everywhere.

Cass heaved a sigh, taking her stained apron off as she went towards the stairs leading to the boy’s room.

“Hiro?” She stood at the base of the stairs, shouting up and waiting for any kind of response, her frustration mounting when no response was given. She started to climb the stairs, a firm lecture brewing in her mind about understanding recent events but that it was starting to not be okay to blow off chores.

She got a few steps into the attic and had started on her speech when she noticed the windows straight ahead were wide open, and her nephew nowhere to be found.

Panic instantly took over her actions, trying not to trip on anything as she ran to the opened window. The San Fran night sky made it hard to see, but Cass kept frantically searching until she heard a creak to her right, looking up and spotting Hiro on the roofing to the side. The moon was missing tonight, and made it hard to make out the shape of Hiro on the roof and to gage how far away he was, but he was there with no obvious signs of harm.

Her stomach plummeted at the thought of anything happening to him, losing his footing and falling, a blustery wind knocking him off, or if he moved towards the-.

“Hiro? Sweetie?” she tried to keep her voice even, ignoring her heart pounding in fear as Hiro sat there, not even flinching at her voice. He was turned somewhat on his side, his head titled downwards. She felt sick to her stomach at what could be going through his mind.

“Sweetie, if you can hear me, I need you to come towards me, alright? Just-Just follow my voice okay?”

For a frightening moment she thought he was going to do the opposite of what she asked, and then almost sobbed in relief as he finally moved back down towards the window.

She restrained herself from reaching out and outright yanking him in as he came closer, and only had to grab him when his hand slipped on a shingle, not wanting to take any chances of endangering her nephew.

Once he was back inside and the window was shut, Cass had him in a tight hug, not caring that a couple of tears had fallen from her eyes as she started to babble,

“Oh god, Hiro what-what were you _thinking?_ You could’ve fallen off; you could’ve been hit by a flock of birds! And you’re _freezing_! How long were you out there? You _can’t do this_ to yourself sweetie!”

His lack of words had her worried, composing herself as best she could before pulling out of the hug, taking a look to see if Hiro was responding in anyway.

Hiro had his head angled down, hair perfectly covering his face and disguising his features. She tried to move the raven locks out of the way, but was shocked when he turned from her hand, his own hand going up, maybe rubbing at his eyes as he finally responded in a meek tone,

“’M sorry Aunt Cass. Sorry.”

Cass could only blink, slowly raising a hand to his face again, breathing in relief when he let her touch his cheek.

“It’s okay sweetie . . . _if_ there’s anything wrong, you know you can tell me, right?”

The silence that followed was long and heavy, only broken when Hiro responded again,

“I didn’t do what you asked. I’m sorry.”

Cass sighed and ruffled his hair, chores were the last thing on her mind after this ordeal, trying to plaster on a smile and speak in a more upbeat tone.

“Don’t even think about it, okay? How about I make some hot chocolate?”

The only response was a halfhearted shrug, making her heart heavy as she took both his hands in hers, trying to rub some warmth back into them as she continued,

“Okay, let’s go on ahead downstairs, I think there’s some left over eclairs in the café we can have too.”

She stood, pulling Hiro up too, and wrapping an arm around him and guiding them down the stairs.

An hour later Hiro was asleep on the loveseat, his mug and pastry barely touched on the table in front of him, and Aunt Cass sitting at the kitchen table, worrying a small piece of cardstock between her fingers in thought.

Their first day back, just after Tadashi had been flown out, Baymax had stopped by, offering their condolences. Graduation and job-searching had distracted them and they hadn’t heard about the incident until just the other day. They had handed a business card to her, asking to just update them should Aunt Cass hear anything about Tadashi. Now she held that same card, flipping it over a couple times, taking in the neat print and the multiple contacts on it.

She’d only received the card in concern to Tadashi, but Baymax had just graduated with his Ph.D. Would it hurt to actually call with intention of finding help?

Eventually she sighed in defeat, reaching for the phone sitting in front of her, and dialing the number on the card she held.

The line rang twice before someone picked up, the easy tone soothing to her ears.

“This is Maximus; please tell me what assistance you need.”

She sniffled, trying to swallow her sob as she spoke,

“Baymax, its Cass.”

“Cassandra? Are you alright? I assume this is because of Tadashi, or is it for something different?”

“Yes, I know you gave this to me in case the Utah hospital updated me on anything, but . . . Hiro, he. . . I went to go look for him just after the café closed, and I couldn’t find him. He was out on the roof by his window. He wouldn’t respond, he barely moved, I think he may have- I think he tried to-“

The unsightly image of a split open head running with blood and pink sludge against sidewalk was the final straw, Cass finally openly sobbing for the first time since the fire. Baymax coaxed her through it, instructing her to take deep breaths once most of her crying had gone away, and waited patiently the whole time. Once she was close to calm again, they continued,

“So you believe he may have attempted suicide?”

She gave a weak noise that hopefully sounded like an affirmation, listening as they continued,

“Has there been anything like this beforehand concerning Hiro? Any signs you can point out that may have lead up to this?

“He’s-It’s been tough for him, ever since he came home. He seemed fine for two, three weeks maybe? Then he- he started to lose interest in his inventions, a-and when he tried to do other things, he lost interest even quicker. Tadashi’s friends keep on coming by to try and get him out of the house and he hasn’t gone with them once. He-He hasn’t talked with me as often as he used to, and I kept telling him if he needed to talk that he could tell me, but then he-he-, I don’t know what to do!”

Cass dropped her head into her free hand, whimpering as she finished,

“I just want my bright little boy back. I want them both back.”

She was relieved when Baymax waited for her to compose herself once more, waiting until she asked,

“So, what can I do for Hiro?”

“Well, if I could digress, have you had any consideration for your own wellbeing also? You’ve been working non-stop since the return from the hospital, correct? With the stress of both your nephews being harmed and losing a big move forward in your career, it can be a lot to manage at once. I’d suggest that you look into doing some grief counseling, perhaps online or over the phone to work with your schedule. You should also look into having somebody else run the café on some days so you can get a bit of time off.”

Cass was shocked at the sudden turn towards her well-being, but decided that Baymax was right in what they said. If she wasn’t in a well enough state to care for her own self, how could she even think to try and help Hiro?

“Okay, I-I think I have some people who wouldn’t mind running shop for me. But what about Hiro? What would be the best for him right now?”

“I’d like to talk with him personally in regards to that. Would you happen to be free sometime tomorrow? Just so I could see Hiro again and talk with him? Then I can determine what the next step for him should be.”

“Yes, How about lunch then? He’ll be up by then and hopefully be happy to see you.”

“That time works well for me. Please get some sleep now; I’ll talk with you more personally tomorrow about counseling options for you.”

“Thank you Baymax. Thank you. Have a good night.”

“Good night Cassandra.”

-bang-bang-a few hours later-bang-bang-

Anger was different now for Hiro.

His moments of anger used to be few and far in-between, would pass fairly quickly, and was only ever felt in his blood over sensible things, like Mochi ruining his schematics or getting into a fight with Aunt Cass or Tadashi.

Now it was an almost constant state of being for him, coming and going in erratic waves, and over stupid things like tripping on a chair or losing at a video game or when he just sat around on his ass all day.

There was something new that came in his rage and it scared him to his core.

Each episode brought urges to destroy something every time, then self-depreciating thoughts followed after he calmed. Both always came in a string of words in his head, never paired with a voice, sometimes imagery supporting the actions.

He’d grown more afraid with each thought that involved the people around him, commonly his brother’s friends and Aunt Cass, and the numerous images of him hurting any one of them.

He should maybe be scared that the urges normally involve hurting himself.

But he could care less right now, glaring at the two adults before him, his Aunt whom he thought he could trust, and Tadashi’s other friend, the one that had helped with his bruised cheek and had helped with the soft robotics project, Baymax was his-or their name right? Both of them sat across the table, a teapot and some donuts set out indicating they had been having some sort of discussion when he’d walked down the stairs, and had their eyes on him as he tried to figure out what they were planning.

“Hello Hiro, it has been a long while since we’ve seen each other.”

Hiro shrugged in response, fiddling with the cup of milk he’d grabbed before sitting down, kind of wishing he’d gotten a straw too so he could blow bubbles and try to stop wherever this conversation was going.

“I apologize for not trying to see you sooner, a lot happened at once for me after we first met and I’d lost track of time. I’d like to say sorry about your recent incident, and hope that your recovery has been somewhat okay.”

Hiro continued to stare down at his milk, wondering what it’d be like to drown.

“Your aunt has called me recently with some concerns and asked me for advice, and I suggested we talk to you about seeing a therapist.”

All brain waves froze the moment he heard those words.

“You’d have a chance to talk with somebody about anything you don’t feel comfortable saying to your aunt or any friends, under contract they wouldn’t disclose anything said in your sessions and everything would be confidential. Does this sound like something you’d be willing to try?”

Hiro wasn’t that bad, was he? Sure the other night he’d contemplated falling off the roof and what drowning would be like just now but he wouldn’t actually do it, right? Therapists were for people who actually needed help. Why had Aunt Cass called Baymax about this?

Hiro didn’t deserve it.

“I’ve already cleared it with my work to be your therapist, but if you’d prefer somebody else I can refer you to others.”

Nobody who hurt their own family deserves help.

“Hiro? Are you okay with this? We need your say in this sweetie.”

He could feel them staring, and he wanted to start squirming just so they’d know how uncomfortable he was with all this.

But, if Aunt Cass had called them, she must be really worried, and she already had enough as it was to deal with. If just doing this could help her a bit and draw attention away from him. . .

“I-I guess. . . I guess I can try it.”

Hiro glanced up, taken aback when he saw Baymax give him a pleasant smile.

“I’ll give you some time to decide what schedule you’d like, and whether you’d prefer me or somebody-“

“No I, I want you to be the therapist.” If he was doing this, he’d rather already know the therapist a bit.

Baymax nodded, standing up and thanking Aunt Cass for the donuts, and telling Hiro to take his time in deciding how he wanted the schedule to work and just to call them once it was decided.

As they descended down the staircase, Aunt Cass quickly stood up, saying that while she had just seen him that day, she had to get back down to the café.

Hiro didn’t protest, still unsure as to how to react to his aunt going behind his back like this, watching her follow down the stairs.

**throw that cup at her head**

His stomach dropped when he felt his hand holding the glass go up, slamming it back down and sloshing milk all over the table before his arm could pull back.

Whoever came up with the phrase “don’t cry over spilled milk” must not have ever had thoughts like Hiro does.

-bang-bang-two weeks later-bang-bang-

Baymax had come over for three hours every day for the past few weeks, as per what Hiro had wished for, and still the teenager wasn’t sure how to take any of this. It felt kind of nice to finally have somebody else to talk to, even though the past few visits Hiro had been too scared to talk about anything other than the idle chit-chat Baymax would offer up, what are some of your interests, favorite foods and candy, particular video games he liked, what kind of inventions he came up with, general stuff that made Hiro feel a bit better, until one of those thoughts jammed itself into his train of thought and literally made him stop.

The past two times Hiro had finally felt up to talking about the fire, about the dreams he had and how sometimes he’d get all in a panic and couldn’t breathe right anytime he saw news reports about fires or burning buildings in TV shows. Baymax had assured him that those were normal when living with PTSD and were called panic attacks, and included that they happened in different ways, such as becoming non-verbal for long amounts of time and having long bouts of anger or anxiety, and that realization had hit pretty hard with Hiro, and he was shocked to realize that maybe this therapist thing was actually what he needed.

One thing he had hoped would never happen is having one of those panic attacks with anyone else around, somehow by sheer luck he’d managed to keep them low key, until this day where luck just decided to nope right out of his life for a few minutes.

Per Baymax’s asking, Hiro was showing them the garage where he made most of his things, even though it was in a state of disarray since no one had been in there for the past two months. Hiro tried not to dwindle on it, moving a bit too fast between rockets and robots than the other would like, until eventually he spotted Megabot, smiling in fondness as he picked it up.

“Oh, this is definitely the best thing I ever made, this is Megabot.” He offered it up to Baymax, whom blinked just as curiously as they had with all the others handed to him, examining the black stubs and the switching face plate,

“This is fascinating Hiro, did you take inspiration from Robert Callaghan’s own microbots for the body?”

Hiro nodded in reply, about to continue when his mind pulled back up that night he’d actually gotten to meet Callaghan, learning that he was the professor of his older brother, and his own daughter had done some bot fighting before it grew in popularity.

Hiro would’ve rather been done there but his mind had other plans, remembering the conversation he had with Tadashi after they got back from SFIT,

_“The first time I’d brought up everything going on with Aunt Cass and the café and Krei helping with him, he just gave me this serious look and told me not to trust Krei.”_

_That did sound pretty weird Hiro thought, letting Tadashi finish before he said anything,_

_“I brought it up maybe two more times, but he said the same thing both times. Not to trust Krei, and I dunno, got me wigged out for a bit, and I still kinda am, especially with the opening coming up.”_

The words echoed in his mind, working its way into his nervous system, and making his hands shake,

He didn’t notice as Baymax looked at him in concern, patiently waiting even though Hiro desperately wanted the other to do something, anything before it got worse.

**krei did it. he helped build the building, he was over-seeing everything. he let the building burn.**

Rage began to bubble in his blood, his whole body shivering as he stared at Megabot, still in Baymax’s hands.

“Hiro?”

**crush it.**

His fingers twitched, itching to follow what that voice said, fear starting to join with the anger that filled his being.

“No. No no no no no. Not now. _Please_ not now.”

**you should set krei on fire. make him feel how it felt for you and tadashi.**

“Tell me what you’re thinking.”

Hiro had always considered the thought of telling somebody about it. About the ugly thoughts that would force their way into his head, would tell him that people wouldn’t look at him the same if he ever confessed this dark secret to them, and Baymax was the closest person that he’d ever trust with that information now, but still his throat held tight, too afraid to say anything.

“Hiro, I want you to try to tell me. I’m here to help and listen. What is said between us is confidential, always.”

Baymax’s soothing tone and promise quelled the anxiety clutching at his throat, letting words burst forth that Hiro thought he’d be too scared to ever say.

“I think Krei started the fire. T-Tadashi had said that Callaghan told him that-that Krei shouldn’t be trusted. I want him to know how much he hurt Tadashi and-and Aunt Cass- I want to find something _sharp_ and _stab him_ until he’s begging for mercy! I want to make him apologize for _everything_ he did, I want him to apologize for making me like _this!_ ”

Hiro felt like he said too much, but words continued to spill forth, a stream of word vomit that actually made him sick to his stomach and made him fear that Baymax would just send him to a mental institution because there was no hope for somebody that had thoughts like this willingly or not.

“I want him to say sorry for ruining me like this, for these _thoughts_ that I get, for making scared of my own self because I’m afraid one day _I’m just going to snap._ ”

He frantically grabbed at his hair, some instinct deep inside saying that maybe that would stop everything, stop himself, each passing second, the world spinning on its axis, anything to freeze this moment in time from happening.

“I’m scared I may hurt people. I’m scared I may hurt _Aunt Cass_. I’m scared I may hurt _myself_. I know that I may because-”

**DON’T TELL THEM YOU’RE THE REASON TADASHI’S NOT HERE.**

His stream of words halted, eyes shifting down to the toolbox at their feet, locked because inside were the buffing clothes and blades for their saw just behind them.

**what if you took out one of those blades and used it on baymax?**

Before he could think he kicked the box away, clattering loudly as it skidded across the floor, his breathing incredibly off and Hiro ready to puke at the thought of hurting Baymax.

“Hiro, I believe you are experiencing a panic attack right now. I have an idea. Would you like to hear it?”

It was almost ridiculous to hear how calm Baymax was, after the verbal dump Hiro had just done and the sudden kick, but again the even tone brought down his anxiety, nodding in response because he couldn’t trust himself to speak again.

“If you would like me to, I’ll step closer and hold you. I won’t let go unless you say no or stop. Being physically held may help ground you. Are you okay with this?”

His mind was too strung up on fear to process all the words, but his hearing had picked up ‘help ground you’ and those three words alone perfectly described what he needed. He frantically nodded, his hands dropping from his hair and rubbing at his arms.

A few seconds passed before he felt another set of arms circle him, warm but almost too gentle. He gently pushed on Baymax’s arm, and found it didn’t move an inch.

_They’ll stop me. If I really tried to do anything, Baymax will stop me before it can happen._

Gradually he came back to himself, his frantic breathing slowing down and his heart palpitations going back to normal. Hiro closed his eyes and leaned into Baymax, listening to the soft beats of their own heart.

Right there, in the embrace so much like his brother’s, Hiro finally felt safe for the first time since the fire.

-bang-bang-three weeks later-bang-bang-

So maybe actually talking had its merits, and not just trying to hide his every anxiety attack and actually asking for help when those bad thoughts crossed his mind (he was relieved the day Baymax had defined them to him and said that they were called intrusive thoughts) and making an active effort to try and help himself rather than allowing his wellbeing to spiral out of control.

The sessions continued, Hiro opening up more and more each time, finding comfort each time Baymax would smile and wave hello every time they came over.

Similarities between the therapist and his brother began to grow, the gentle nature, the parenting, the medical and engineering know-how, the parallels helped, not completely, but it helped.

Things were starting to look up, so of course things were supposed to nosedive once more, as it was the story of his life.

Hiro and Baymax had just come back from a walk around the block, the teen listening as Baymax educated him further on the different ways people experienced dissociation, which they had suggested Hiro occasionally had happen after he’d described how he’d felt as he and Tadashi had run through the fire and hadn’t been able to control his body.

The two idly chatted as they climbed the stairs, stopping once they overhead Cass talking on the phone.

“. . . so the court date is still undetermined? Okay then, I don’t know if I’ll be able to make the time to come in as a witness . . . no, as his legally appointed guardian, Hiro will _not_ be coming in as a witness.”

_A witness to what?_

Somehow Hiro didn’t voice the thought, continuing to listen as Aunt Cass finished the conversation.

“. . . Thank you for understanding, and thank you for finding the arsonist. Have a good evening.”

Aunt Cass finally hung up, looking up and spotting the two standing at the foot of the stairs. Anyone could tell by her forced smile and tensed body that she hoped neither had heard anything.

“Oh, hi honey, how was your walk?”

Hiro shrugged, walking into the living room with Baymax following closely behind.

“Good I guess, what was that just now, on the phone?”

Aunt Cass sighed, running a hand through her hair and quietly responding,

“They apprehended the one that started the fire. They found footage from the few short minutes the security cameras were working and were able to trace the perpetrator.”

Hiro raised an eyebrow, kind of not liking where this was going.

“And. . . who was it?”

For a solid minute it looked like Aunt Cass was having a hard time deciding whether to tell or not, before she admitted to defeat,

“It. . . It was Mr. Callaghan. The professor Tadashi has, well, had.”

Time froze.

“N. . . no that- that can’t be-“

“Are you sure Cassandra?”

The only response was a nod in reply, and that infuriated Hiro more than it should.

“No. That has to be a lie.”

She looked up at him in shock, probably about to ask him to repeat himself but something deep inside him wasn’t having that.

“Things are bad enough as is. Of course it’d have to be somebody else I look up to that let me down. God _dammit!_ ”

His foot was tingling. Had he stomped it? He must’ve, since Aunt Cass was looking at him with worry.

“Hiro, I know you’re upset, I know nothing has been fair for the past few months, but stomping and storming around won’t-“

“NO!”

Both adults reeled back in shock, and Hiro would have too if he could see how the rage built on his face.

“You said I needed to open up more, _right?_ The moment I try and talk, _of course_ that’s when you tell me not to!” he glared at his aunt,

“ _You_ were the one to go behind my back and push me into finding help when _I didn’t want it_! If you were able to do that, you could’ve been able to convince them to keep Tadashi here, instead of sending him to _fucking Utah._ ”

A hand fell onto his shoulder, and Hiro violently threw it off, turning on his heel and fixing his gaze on Baymax before they could speak,

“And you too, I bet you could’ve pulled some strings, but _no_ , instead you show up after he left, saying how _‘sorry’_ you were and then asking _us_ to let you know if we heard anything, and now you’re just with me because _you’re_ guilty and pity your friend’s _bat-shit_ _crazy_ little brother!”

Without even letting either adult answer, Hiro turned and ran up the stairs, not listening to them as they called after him,

"Sweetie!”

“Hiro, come back-!”

**_“LEAVE ME ALONE!”_ **

He may have kicked a half full box down the stairs, maybe it had glass inside it and it shattered on the ground, the only thing he was sure of was his emotions in that moment ( _hurt anger fear anxiety_ ) that fueled his every action, and he felt powerless to stop it.

Hiro made it up to his room, barging behind the paper divider that had closed off Tadashi’s side in his absence, and had stewed there for a good ten or so minutes before his body caught up with his thoughts and finally realized what had just transpired.

He’d seriously _fucked **up**_.

**you were just telling them the truth.**

He couldn’t go down there and face them, not after that whole episode. He’d accused his aunt of not caring about him or his brother. He’d accused his therapist about caring for him out of guilt.

**then just run away**

_But where?_

**you know where**

He knew what hospital his brother was at, the name was listed along with its number, including the number and email of the doctor over-seeing the coma.

Before Hiro knew it he’d thrown things into an old backpack, grabbed some cash, and had snuck out, leaving an obvious trail that anybody could follow.

Part of him didn’t care.

Part of him wanted to know if anyone would

-bang-bang-the present-bang-bang-

Hiro groaned in frustration, rubbing at his eyes. So revisiting memory lane definitely hadn’t helped, doing so had just confirmed to Hiro how much of a jerk he was.

First he let himself and his older brother get caught in a burning building, then was a horrible useless nephew to Aunt Cass who’d done nothing but worried over his sorry ass, left the only people who genuinely wanted to be his friends in the dust, practically spat in the face of his therapist, who’d only ever been patient with their best friends younger brother as he dicked around realizing how fucked up he was.

Hiro pointedly ignored his reflection in the window, wishing the tears tracks would disappear so nobody would try and give their sympathy to the teenage boy crying alone on a bus.

The bus wouldn’t depart for another ten minutes, enough time to quickly hop off, dry his eyes, and get back on.

He trudged off, noting that somebody had entered the small waiting area to board, moving quickly so as to not been seen blotchy faced.

Three minutes later Hiro opened the men’s room door, taking two steps before he ran into somebody face first.

Hiro shuffled back, muttering an apology before looking up and feeling his blood run cold.

Baymax smiled down at him, opening his mouth to say hello probably or something, Hiro wasn’t waiting around to find out, immediately bolting to the side, ready to book it back to the bus and beg the driver to leave _right now,_ but was quickly stopped by a hand grabbing his wrist.

_How the HELL are their reflexes that fast?!_

“Hiro, all I ask is that you listen for two minutes, and not run away. _Please_.”

**if you really put effort into screaming and crying for help, it’ll be easy enough to escape.**

Hiro helplessly tugged his arm a few more times, until he finally sighed in defeat, turning part of the way around so Baymax knew he was listening.

“I’m not here to drag you home.”

Well, _that_ definitely came from nowhere, Hiro whipping his head up to stare at Baymax in disbelief, even more shocked when he saw nothing but sincerity in the others face.

“In fact, I was just about to buy a ticket, which I assume you’ve already done?”

Hiro continued to stare, nodding slightly and managing to utter out,

“T-To Utah, yeah.”

Baymax nodded in reply, slowly easing their grip on the youngers wrist.

“Okay, would you mind walking with me to the ticket tender please?”

Hiro almost couldn’t believe it, instead of coming to the bus station and trying to convince him to come back, Baymax had packed a bag and waltzed in, buying a ticket for the same bus Hiro had paid for and sitting in the seat right next to him, and hadn’t once tried to guilt trip him.

He honestly hadn’t known what to expect. This was Baymax he was talking about.

If anything this just served to make Hiro feel even worse.

What had he ever done to have such a caring person in his life? Only to yell in their face that they only pitied him because they felt guilty about not visiting Tadashi once since the accident?

Hiro looked up from his lap for the first time in a couple minutes, just to see Baymax quietly reading a book and very relaxed. He sighed, and slowly rested his head on the others shoulder, quietly whispering as the bus switched from park to drive and began to roll out of the station,

“I’m sorry Baymax.”

Without missing a beat, they lifted their unoccupied hand to pat Hiro’s head a few times, whispering back,

“Apology accepted.”

For the first night in far too long, with the low roar of tire on pavement and passing lamp posts, Hiro slept peacefully.

-bang-bang-twelve hours later-bang-bang-

Hiro felt like he was going to vomit. He’d been stupidly lucky enough to reach Utah, at the hospital where Tadashi had been flown to, and whom was lying comatose just beyond the wide, heavy door that sat in front of him.

He’d never been more terrified in his short life, not even the first bot fight he ever went to compared to this moment.

“Ready?”

Hiro resorted to his favorite motion, shrugging, and apparently it was enough prompt for Baymax to open the door.

He walked in slowly, trying desperately to prepare himself for whatever he would see, multiple machines hooked up to his brother, thin with gaunt features, the worst that could be possible running through his mind’s eye.

As he stepped in, the sunshine leaking through the window lit up the room, and the bed where Tadashi lay, an IV, heart monitor, and oxygen mask the only machines hooked to his body, filling the room with gentle whirring and beeps. It was peaceful. It was almost as if Tadashi wasn’t in a deep sleep that he was eventually supposed to wake up from. It both comforted and unnerved Hiro to no end.

Baymax ushered Hiro in further, making him sit in one of the two available chairs.

“I was going to get something from the vending machine, did you want anything?”

Hiro shook his head no, knowing that even if he’d asked them to stay, Baymax would’ve left him alone at some point to give him privacy with his brother, so might as well let that happen now.

Once their footsteps had faded away, Hiro finally got a good look at Tadashi. His face was lax and serene, though his eyebrows furrowed slightly as he slept on.

He didn’t want to say or do anything else, everything was too peaceful, Tadashi oblivious to everything that had happened for the past few months, it just didn’t feel right.

But Hiro knew he had to. He needed to come full circle and prove to himself that he could be better.

“Hey bro, so. . . it’s been a while. A long while. I-I know what they say about talking to coma patients, so, here I go.

“That day, with the fire, in the building in everything, at first I didn’t know why I felt so out of place there, thinking the whole ordeal was a dream and everything. But, thanks to Baymax, I now know I was dissociating to some degree. I’m sorry that it caused you so much pain.

“I’m so sorry, Tadashi, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself, or have the courage to repeat this to you when you hopefully wake up, which _will happen,_ for something that I had no control of. That’s survivor’s guilt for you, I guess.”

Hiro gave a watery laugh, rubbing at his eyes.

“Do you know how many times I’ve cried in the past twenty-four hours? Being this mentally ill does that to you I guess.

“I just want to say this now because I know later on I’ll be a jerk and not say anything, but when you do wake up, please give me some time. I’ll be so happy once you wake up but I’ll still be filled so much guilt that I won’t know what to do when we go back to sleeping in the same place again.

“I have a feeling that you won’t be the same either once you come back. So, I’m promising you now that when we get to that point, I’ll try my best, okay? We’ll be figuring things out together. It’s a process, but we’ll be able to take it on together okay? Hamada Bro Rules #1: Never give up on each other. We’ll manage.”

Hiro took in a deep breath, and as he released it a bit of the anxiety that’d been sitting on his chest for the longest time faded away slightly.

When Baymax came back, they found Hiro passed out in his chair, clutching onto Tadashi’s arm not cluttered with tubes and wires, the elder brothers face completely relaxed.

-bang-bang-twelve hours later once more-bang-bang-

Note to self Hamada: Never do back-to-back bus rides _ever again._

Hiro would find a way to ingrain that into his brain. Never had he felt so gross or tired. Thankfully it looked like Baymax was in the same boat, their normally neat hair completely in a disarray, but somehow still aware enough to make sure Hiro got home safely, slowly ushering the other up the back stairs leading to his home, and to an aunt that was probably going to ground him for life.

Baymax had already assured that they’d notified her of what they were doing driving to Ohio, but Hiro was still VERY much worried.

They finally made it up to the living room, which just about a day ago Hiro had stormed out of in a rage, with Aunt Cass nowhere to be seen.

Hiro, just a bit anxious to do this, was about to call out, when the door in the back of the room suddenly opened, and Aunt Cass came barreling out, her robe hastily wrapped around her and her eyes bloodshot and watery. Before he could say anything, she beat him to it.

“Hiro Hamada, I oughta kill you and ground you for life, but thank god you made it back safe.”

She grabbed him and hugged him so tight he felt like he couldn’t breathe, but he found it comforting beyond words. He hugged her back, breathing in the smell of coffee and vanilla that warmed his being.

“I’m sorry Aunt Cass. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, just- try not to scare me like this again for at least another few months now, alright?”

Hiro nodded into her shoulder, taking in her warmth and once again, feeling just a bit better about his current predicament.

So as the sweetness began to fade, the bitterness settled in.

-bang-bang-four days later-bang-bang-

Hiro didn’t go to airports very often, his family didn’t travel frequently nor had money to do it all the time. He recalled maybe two trips where they had gone by plane, when Hiro and Tadashi had won that opportunity to go to a tech convention two states away and had all expenses paid for them to attend, and when Aunt Cass had surprised them with a trip to Disney World and she’d saved every penny she could so they could have a ‘magical’ experience.

Any other time he’d gone to San Francisco International had only been to see people off, and those had never been very happy experiences for Hiro.

Foggy memories of Mom and Dad boarding a doomed plane were all he had left of them alive, the weekend stay with Aunt Cass becoming a permanent set-up. He was still hurting from when he’d seen his brother off, heavily sedated and hardly aware of his surroundings, unknown when he would return. Now with Baymax leaving it was just salt being rubbed into the twice opened wound.

He glared up at the gate, where Baymax was eventually going to walk into; off to somewhere because a hospital in particular had asked them for help and Baymax wasn’t one to say no, trying to pour every fiber in his being to making it burst into flames with just his mind power.

**you should just freak out. cause a scene, break your own arm, then maybe baymax will stay**

Hiro sighed, whispering under his breath _'sure jan’_ before realizing Baymax was finishing his goodbyes with everybody else who’d come to see them off, which was just the Nerd Gang and his Aunt Cass. He made himself look down, trying to pretend that his feet were the most amazing sight in the world as he heard Baymax’s slow footsteps come closer.

He didn’t want to look up and have to say goodbye to another person he cared about, a sudden wave of sadness overcoming him as he thought about how he couldn’t even remember his mom and dad’s faces and how he missed Tadashi’s voice and couldn’t bear the thought of never feeling gentle yet firm arms around him again.

“Hello, Hiro.”

His voice would break and he’d only sob if he spoke, so he just shrugged, hoping his words would come across.

“Hiro…”

He continued his refusal to look up, shuffling his feet and just wishing Baymax would take the hint and either randomly declare they were staying or take a lesson from the teen’s book and leave without saying anything just like he did as Tadashi was taken onto the plane.

God, he was a terrible person.

“I know you’re upset. You’re allowed to.”

A red bag was placed next to his feet, Hiro blinking at it.

“I put together a few things that I believe will help you in my absence. I placed a list in there of things you can do when you need something to focus on or ground yourself. I also included an usb drive with some testing video logs me and Tadashi did for his project, you should be able to download them onto your phone. I’m also leaving a pillow that has a place to insert your phone so you can hold it better and watch the videos if you’d like.”

**you don’t deserve any of this**

“Baymax…”

“Everything will be okay.”

Just like that Hiro was crying again. He’d been crying far too much over the past couple of months.

“Don’t go, please.”

He sniffled and hiccupped as Baymax hugged him, replying in turn,

“I have to. I can’t tell you why, but in the end you’ll understand.”

Hiro looked up finally, staring up at the only person that’d seen every side of him and wouldn’t even think twice about spending time with a jerk like Hiro. Even as his throat felt raw and he’d probably just blubber if he spoke again, the fourteen year old found himself saying,

“I can’t lose you too.”

The dark eyes staring down at him only seemed to smile, and the voice he had been used to hearing sounded different this time, a sad but hopeful tone responding back,

“I will always be with you.”

Time slowed down in that moment for Hiro, absorbing the words, and realizing that everything would be okay, that even when they were gone, Baymax would still be with him.

Hiro nodded, ducking his head back into Baymax’s chest and doing the best he could to memorize every calming aspect of the person before him.

Eventually they finished their drawn out embrace, Hiro still sniffling and Baymax a little teary-eyed too, handing the red bag for the teen to take.

Hiro solemnly stood and waved Baymax off with the others, feeling his aunt wrap an arm around his shoulder in comfort. They all stayed and waited, watching as the plane backed out and rolled onto the flight strip and eventually took off, Hiro eventually pressing himself up against the window to see the plane disappear off into the clouds.

Even after it was gone he kept watching, afraid that the vision in his mind of the plane tanking down and exploding would come true, but someone shaking his shoulder broke him from the trance, turning to see Gogo standing there, giving him a small smile.

“Come on, your aunt wants to head back so she can feed us. She’s gonna make the hot wings she promised us.”

Hiro turned to look back at the sky, remembering the statistic Baymax had given him about how safe plane flights are, and that Baymax would land safely.

“Okay.”

_“I will always be with you.”_

-bang-bang-five weeks later-bang-bang-

The past few weeks without Baymax had been hard. It’d been tough to handle the panic attacks and intrusive thoughts and dissociation without them, but the bag of tricks they left had helped.

Hiro hadn’t been too sure about the robot patterned coloring pages, glass jar of cotton, or spikey rubber ball at first; until he realized how relaxing the coloring could be, that the cotton in the jar had been doused in a peppermint extract that calmed his thoughts, and how well rolling the ball in his hands grounded him.

The pillow he received helped enormously, and the video logs he’d found on the usb meant more than he could ever put into words. Watching the two students fumble and laugh as they tested the soft robotic arm could help calm him at the worst of times.

He tried to make a better effort in socializing a bit more, every once in a while asking Gogo and everybody if he could tag along with them, and each time they happily said yes, and every time he hung out with the gang he found himself drawing closer to them, seeing more and more each day why Tadashi had befriended them in the first place.

The thought of Tadashi still made his mood spiral down, the hospital hadn’t done much in updating them as time passed. They had only contacted Aunt Cass when they first induced the coma and one other time just to know that everything was normal. Impulsively getting on that bus and going to that hospital was probably the best way to find out how Tadashi was doing. Hiro asked every day if they’d received word of when he was supposed to wake up, and Aunt Cass would say no every time, and that hopefully it would be soon.

It definitely shouldn’t take that long, considering that Baymax was due to come back home.

This was why Hiro was once again at San Francisco International and was watching the gate like a hawk, trying to spot white hair that’d be hard to miss anywhere.

“Relax honey; they said they’d be landing soon.”

Hiro only grunted in frustration, Aunt Cass chuckling from where she sat by him, scanning the gate with him and trying to help spot the therapist faster.

Eventually his eyes caught on white, he looked closer and sure enough, there they were, and Hiro had never run faster, accidentally barging by people and shouting out apologies left and right.

Thank goodness for Baymax’s fast reflexes, otherwise the two of them would’ve been on the floor, but were thankfully still standing and Hiro hugged Baymax harder than he could ever think he could.

Aunt Cass eventually caught up, welcoming Baymax back and telling Hiro to go help them find their luggage, Hiro more than happy to walk with the other and try to catch up.

“How have you been since I left?”

Hiro shrugged, waiting with Baymax as they watched luggage pass by on the conveyor belt, stepping up with the other to grab a grey duffel bag that’d been pointed out, shouldering it while he responded.

“Okay I guess, I was kinda down when you first left, but everybody else did their best to work with my attitude. The stuff you gave me helped a lot.”

Baymax smiled down at him, pulling a large red suitcase off along with another smaller one,

“I’m glad, simple materials such as the ones I gave you can go a long way.”

Hiro was about to respond back, when he realized something, glancing back down at the bag Baymax had asked him to pick up, grabbing at the handles and searching the front of it.

“Hold on. This is Tadashi’s.”

Had Hiro been looking he’d have seen an uncharacteristic look of panic cross Baymax’s face, but thankfully he wasn’t, which gave the therapist time to respond,

“I borrowed it before the fire, for a business trip and it completely slipped my mind that it was his.”

Hiro stared at it some more, nodding in understanding, though something in the back of his mind kept nagging at him, telling him that the statement wasn’t true. Hiro knew by now, just when things were good they went downhill quickly, so with Baymax back that just probably meant Tadashi would be comatose for longer now. The duffel bag had just been a cruel reminder.

Hiro shook away the bad thoughts, putting a smile back on and making idle chat with Baymax as they walked back to Aunt Cass, but when had Gogo, Honey, Wasabi, and Fred gotten here? They had said they would meet up later to welcome Baymax back, and yet here they were, huddled together by the gate, and why did it look like Aunt Cass was crying?

As they came up closer Honey had spotted them, hurriedly saying something to the others and waving a hand at them. Hiro had stopped then, not even noticing as Baymax took the duffel from his shoulder, and watched as everybody separated to the sides, revealing a sight that made the world stop.

He could never remember what had happened in that moment, shock relief and joy made it a lost memory, but all Hiro would ever remember is one moment standing there, seeing his brother sitting in a wheelchair but for the first time in months _he was awake_. Somehow in the next few moments they were both holding each other far too tightly (who knew how quickly Hiro had run or how Tadashi had stood up) and crying fat ugly tears in the middle of an airport, and Hiro finally understood that quote about ‘Good things come to those who wait.’

-bang-bang-three months later-bang-bang-

It’d been half a year since the fire had happened, and Hiro wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

Tadashi coming home was definitely a weird point in time, just like he had said when he’d visited his brother when he was in his coma.

While he was happy to have his brother back, Hiro still felt a lot of guilt about his actions in the fire and still couldn’t forgive himself, even though he’d had a chance to apologize to Tadashi in his comatose state.

But there was the clincher; Tadashi hadn’t been awake for the apology.

Having his brother back home brought on a new wave of guilt, especially after he went out on a late night walk one time and found a barrage of panicked text messages from Tadashi begging him to come home and not to leave.

Tadashi had left unconscious from San Francisco and come back in a wheelchair and riddled with PTSD and separation anxiety, Hiro guessed that’s what happens when you wake up from an induced coma almost two states away from the people you care about most, and had been trying his best to cope.

The guilt got worse every day, every time Hiro or Aunt Cass would so much as leave to grab a drink of water and come back to Tadashi nearly in tears because he was afraid they’d never come back.

Hiro wasn’t sure if he’d ever tell Tadashi about how guilty he felt still about it and apologize again, and was too afraid to do it because all he could imagine was Tadashi getting angry and yelling at him and hating him forever because that’s how Hiro would react to receiving information like that.

Baymax had talked him through it, stating that he could do whatever he was most comfortable with, but just because Hiro knew how he himself would react didn’t determine how Tadashi would. They had suggested writing down what Hiro would say if he ever got the chance to apologize or open up to his brother again, and even though the thought still scared him it made him feel better to write it out.

Baymax started to do sessions with Tadashi also; Hiro could only imagine that their sessions were similar in nature, but definitely different subjects. Tadashi was improving each week, and was up to going an hour or two before panicking about where his family was.

Aunt Cass had kept the boys in the dark about the trial with Callaghan, Hiro only knew that it was happening up until Tadashi had asserted his right as an adult to decide his involvement with it. Since Hiro was still a minor all he could do was watch the trial through legal means with Baymax as Tadashi went in as a witness, Aunt Cass and his friends there as support.

Though he’d only ever seen him through pictures and met him in person once, Hiro could plainly see the guilt that plagued Callaghan as he sat there, the orange prison clothes the only brightness in the room.

Evidence was brought up, making it clear that he had set the fire and absconded, the flammable materials confiscated from his home along with a disorganized mess of his plans.

His motivation had been to exact revenge on Krei for his daughter, Abigail. She had been hired by the tycoon as an engineer and had been working on a project under his contract when an on-site accident had occurred, leaving her with a large chance of becoming permanently disabled. Krei Industries had covered everything to make things an easy transition for her, but apparently it hadn’t been enough for Robert.

Hiro had been too late in seeing the witnesses testifying (he breathed a sigh of relief later when he learned Tadashi hadn’t fallen apart while at the stand), and was only able to watch when Callaghan gave his final plea: Guilty.

The 14 year old experienced too many emotions all at once as his idol was determined guilty of arson to the second degree (he’d serve a sentence of 10 years with a chance at parole and have to pay a fine), and couldn’t tell whether he was glad that the professor would pay for his crime or upset because Callaghan hadn’t even fought to be not guilty. The man knew what he’d done was in the wrong and every time he glanced over at Tadashi, no one could look more sorry and guilty.

Shortly after the trial, Krei had offered to start work on another Lucky Cat location, but Aunt Cass had turned it down in favor of having the company help pay for the hospital bills that had finally been mailed to her, which they more than happily took care of, and that alone insured that Cass wouldn’t have to worry for the future in that regard.

It was after all of this that for whatever reason, on the nights when neither he nor Tadashi could sleep, the brothers would openly share their intrusive thoughts. The night the trial was finished Tadashi had all but blurted out the intense emotions and thoughts running through his being when he’d been in the same room with his professor that’d almost killed him.

They never mentioned their talks in the morning, even when it was Hiro talking about how badly he dissociated or Tadashi describing the way he had burned that night long ago or the many ways they each thought of death (whether the actions are to themselves or the people they know), because they both knew the other would confide in Baymax in due time.

A part of Hiro wishes the fire had never happened, that he’d never spiraled into depression and anxiety, that Tadashi didn’t have to use a crutch to get to the bathroom, that Aunt Cass didn’t have to balance the mental health of her nephews and herself, that there weren’t varying spots and jagged stripes scarred into his skin, that there weren’t nights where yelling filled the house and would only go away with hushed promises of _you’re not burning_ and _we’re here_ and _it’s not your fault,_ that things could go back to the normal he missed so much.

But then a part of him quietly says that then he’d never have Baymax in his life.

Baymax, who’d cleaned his wounds before they’d even properly introduced theirself.

Baymax, who’d taken Hiro into their care.

Baymax, who’d listened closely with no judgement.

Baymax, who’d only left his side when they were told Tadashi had woken up.

Baymax, who’d somehow become an official fifth member of the Hamada family.

Baymax, who’d been there for Hiro almost every step of the way.

 

When Hiro says he wishes he were normal the world tsked and said that he got stronger from what happened and he should remember that so many people have it worse.

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Hiro tells Baymax he wishes he were normal they nod and say that it was okay to feel that way and he should remember that nobody can tell him different.

 

-bang-

 

-bang-

 

 

-bang-

 

 

 

-bang-

 

 

 

 

 

“I will always be with you.”

**Author's Note:**

> this work is 18,000 words of me trying to sort through my own problems. it's helped, more than i thought it would. i also have some lovely illustrations created by a team of artists, and their tumblrs are in the beginning notes.
> 
> you can check out any other stories in the BH6BigBang and by checking out the blog, bh6bigbang.tumblr.com though i believe pretty much all of them have been put up on Ao3.
> 
> this is also within the same universe as my other story, we're all made here. this idea originally came around after i started that fic and watched big hero 6 the first time, and the big bang was my best opportunity to write this.
> 
> i hope this helps you too.


End file.
